I am a newbie — six months into a tech support job. I’ve been handed a fairly simple case by the looks of things. It should be a simple re-setup of the customer’s configuration files, so I call up the chap.
Customer: “Ah, hello, [My Name]. I have been expecting your call.”
Me:
Customer: “I am most relaxed. I went snowboarding over the weekend, you see…”
I’ll save you the whole story, but we are getting on like a house on fire. He asks me to call him by his first name, which is very uncommon in this job. However…
Me: “Okay, so, if you download this piece of software, I can gain access to your system with you now, and we can get the resolution implemented.”
Customer: *Sudden mood change* “WHY DO I NEED TO ALWAYS BE DOWNLOADING SOFTWARE?!”
Me: “If you just download it, it’s free, and we can get this issue resolved.”
The customer doesn’t want to hear any of this.
Customer: “WHY?! WHY?! You think all I can do is afford to download this expensive software? You are the worst; this is how you make your money! You should be fired!”
He starts ranting, and I lose track of how long this goes on. My manager later tells me that I just sat there apologizing over and over until I finally snapped.
Me: “Right, listen to me. I will send over a guide as you’re unwilling to download free software.” *Click*
I begin working on the guide. It’s got screenshots and helpful tips, and it takes me a while to write it all up. All the while, I’m getting pings from our customer-facing teams saying that I’ve really upset this customer and he’s trying to get through to my manager.
Eventually, I hear my manager get called.
Manager: “Ah, yes, this customer threatened my engineer, so he’s doing things differently this time…”
He says this while sending me a private message, instructing me to call up the customer. I do so.
Customer: “Ah, good, finally. I trust you have my solution?”
Me: “I most certainly do; I’m set to email it to you now, and this’ll be the last time we speak.”
Customer:
I hear him move into a second room.
Customer: “I want you to know that I know people in your company. I can get you fired if this solution doesn’t work; I will ensure that you never work again.”
I’ve had enough.
Me: “Okay, please feel free to raise any concerns you may have with my manager as you know him so well.”
Customer: “Oh, believe me, I will do that.”
I send over the document. It should take a few hours to implement the changes, but within twenty-five minutes, I get a call.
Customer: “IT ISN’T WORKING! I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER NOW!”
Me:
I transfer the call to my manager. I’m not entirely sure what happens, but my manager then calls me into one of our training rooms.
Manager: “Okay, so, tomorrow, we’ve agreed to one big call: you, me, your mentor, the customer, and his manager. How certain are you about your solution?”
Me: “100%. I’ll implement it if I have to.”
Manager: “Good chap.”
The next morning, I get to work super early and double- and triple-check my solution: airtight. We all gather for the call.
Customer: “So, [My Name], show me this masterful solution.”
Me: “Happy to do so.”
And so begins what I expect to be the longest call of my life, but imagine my surprise: within five minutes the system starts working again. Step two was to do one simple step that it turns out he hadn’t done at all.
Me: “And we’re back.”
I honestly wish I said something funnier, but I am really tired.
Customer: “THIS IS A CONSPIRACY! YOU’RE TRYING TO GET ME FIRED!”
Me: “You mean like you tried to get me fired?”
Customer’s Manager: “Okay, okay, I think there is some bad blood here. Shall we end the call now?”
The call ended, and my manager was smiling from ear to ear.
I stayed at this company for going on six years, and I’m now actively involved in training our new recruits. As for the customer? He still works for the company; I know this as our system won’t assign tickets from him to me following this incident. Apparently, I’m still trying to get him fired.
