It’s been 35 years and I still regret leaving
I don’t know why I’m posting this but I have to get this off my chest
I (60m) got married young at 18, I married my high school sweetheart, she was smart, funny, kind and the kind of person who could capture a room – very extroverted.
I’m incredibly introverted but we were a good match, by the time we were 25 we had 2 small children and I was happy with how my life was then my wife got a new job and she was excelling – getting promotions, working later – I think you see where this is going….
You are wrong by the way.
I cheated on her.
Whilst she was out working late to make money to support our children, I was building up a resentment towards her.
She wasn’t home to make dinner and I never bothered to learn to cook.
Washing would pile up for a few days because I didn’t do it and I was doing the school run because she was at work.
But I never voiced how I felt and every day my beautiful wife would come home I would put a front on and pretend everything was fine when it wasn’t.
I know if I had told her how I felt she would of listened but I didn’t.
I met a women at a work thing and we spoke over the phone constantly for a few weeks – things turned inappropriate quickly and I didn’t stop it.
I wrote my wife a birthday card telling her how much I loved her and she was an amazing person then 2 weeks later walked out on her.
And the worst part was she never screamed at me or yelled.
She just stood there and watched me take my things whilst my children where in the other room completely oblivious to what was going on. She just stood there silently crying.
I broke the best person in my life. She ended up losing her job because she couldn’t manage the school run or extra child arrangements.
So my alimony payments had to go up and I resented her for that. Looking back on it now how selfish could I be?
The women who I betrayed and was now single handedly raising my children needed more money to care for them. – I saw them every other Saturday but that was it.
My AP and I fizzled almost immediately, she didn’t want something with me and she really didn’t want something with me when I was almost broke from paying alimony
My wife was and still is the strongest person I know, she never let me know how much I hurt her but I heard her crying herself to sleep every night I had to stay over for something with the kids.
I spent years resenting my wife for ‘stealing my money’ when in reality I knew it was my fault and I still loved her but was too proud to say, and even though I left, it was her who eventually filled for divorce because every-time she asked me if I had gotten a lawyer I would say ‘I’m not ready’ eventually she filed because she said it was too painful.
I said some really awful things to her when I was angry like ‘I didn’t love you for a long time, I stayed for the children’ and every time she just nothing back. I’ll never forgive myself for that.
She wanted to try make it work, she fought for me every day for months and I wasn’t interested. She loved me even when I hated her.
Then she met Mark, he was older, wiser and he loved her the way I should of loved her. He was and is a good man to her and my children.
Watching someone else love the person you were supposed to love forever is quite possibly the worst thing I’ve ever had to do.
I blurted out ‘I love you’ to her 2 weeks before her wedding and she looked at me and said ‘then you should of fought for me, because I would of loved you forever if you’d let me’ – on the day of her wedding I sat outside the church in my car, telling myself I would object the wedding but I didn’t.
That was 30 years ago and seeing that written in-front of me now is just as painful as it was hearing it all those years ago.
Having to watch her with him all these years has been my punishment and I’ve had the odd relationship but nothing serious, I will never forgive myself for what I did – it should of been our 42nd wedding anniversary today.
I don’t think anyone survives infidelity entirely, I think you learn to live with it.
