An Englishman staggers, ashen-faced, into a roadside bar, demanding a large brandy. The barman is concerned.

“Well” says the man,

“I was just driving along and my BMW suddenly gave up the ghost!

So I cruised into the layby just along the road here, and opened the bonnet.

But I have no idea how these modern cars work!

I was about to call the Automobile Association when I saw two horses come up to the fence and peer at the engine.

And one of them actually spoke!

Clear as day! Couldn’t believe my ears!”

“Oh, yes – what did it say?”

“Well, this is the extraordinary thing – it told me to press down on some bit of plastic until I heard a click.

So I did that – and then this horse told me to try the engine – and it started immediately!”

“Ah,” said the barman. “And tell me, what colour was this horse?”

“Colour? Colour?

Whatever do you mean?

The damn’ thing spoke to me, clear as day! In fact, it was a brown horse!”

“Thought so,” says the barman, polishing the next batch of glasses.

“Thought so? Didn’t you hear what I was saying?

This horse dam’ well spoke to me!”

“Well”, says the barman, “I thought it would be her.

The white one knows nothing about BMW ignition systems!”